El Award-O's? Red Carpet

so we had the first official El Award-O's? ceremony last night.

it was great. the outfits were fabulous, dinner was incredibly classy, great pictures were taken, awards were handed out and fun was had.

its ok...it happened all the time in the 80's. :)

anyways...here are some pics from the red carpet.

the cast of The Project: HOSEA...

so excited to meet his favorite stars and get an autograph!!!

looking good, huh?

they are famous for a reason...haha

oh geez! is that Jordan Cross and Chelsea Robinson? werent you "the girls"???

dont i know you from somewhere? werent you in The Project or something???

and here we have nathan porter, just rockin the flow...

just loving the camera :)

so much fun!

El Award-O's? Dinner

We all took our well-dressed selves out to dinner to Taco Bell, keeping with the "Mexico" theme. :) yes, we do realize its not exactly authentic...but its so good!

and we looked good in it...agree?

just chillin in Taco Bell...its ok, it happened all the time in the 80's...

one of our beautiful, well dressed, not at all awkward couples. cute, huh?

we ate and then were onto photo shoot and awards!

El Award-O's? Awards

The Award Ceremony took place at the Thurston's home.
we used a really hi-tech microphone and had all the awards and certificates ready to pass out.
each team member got an award that they earned somehow throughout the process of creating the show.
here are some pictures from the ceremony!

the official presenters

Sam accepting her award...clearly an emotional moment for her, thoroughly understandable.

Jordan Cross's award
Chelsea Kimball's award


toast! to the team and to God who has blessed us with all that we have and for all that He's called us to and gotten us through!


these awards were chosen specifically for each team member from the highly acclaimed area thrift stores and then covered in gold spray paint.

i have no doubt that they will be displayed proudly!

the awards we gave were funny ones, but in all reality - i am so grateful for ALL the hard work they put into this show. they gave up A LOT of saturdays and thursdays for us and our crazy ideas. so i give a HUGE thank you to the whole team and want to make sure that they know how incredibly appreciative we are of all of them!!!

so thank you team! we LOVE you! and are so ready for this trip!

2 more weeks!

2 more weeks!
we had a GREAT practice thursday night!
ran through the dramas we know, worked on the Project a little, even ran through a ministry drama in SPANISH! :) and they sounded great!
we will be ready with ministry, im not worried - especially now that God has blessed us with a whole afternoon all together in Arizona because we are leaving a day early...:)
a little extra practice time.
love it.

God put on my heart psalm 51 to share with the team this week. and i was talking to sherrill about this too - this is a time where we need to be asking God to just cleanse us. to reveal things in us that shouldnt be there and then let Him take it out...
because on mission trips satan just brings ALL the ugly out and amplifies it. especially when its such a short amount of time...what does it say in revelation 12? "he is filled with fury because he knows his time is short" he will do all he can to break us down in the short week we'll be gone...so we need to work on getting rid of all our "ugly" now.

we also had a "big group" time, talking about our books and just talking about what we've been learning from them.
it was really cool to hear what they have been getting from it and what God has been teaching.


2 weeks left...so crazy. it has come SO fast and i just cant believe its almost here! but it is...God is faithful.

tonight we have our Award Ceremony...El Award-Os.
you might not have heard of them before...its all right, they are new.
instead of formalwear, the dress code is 80's themed. and we go out to dinner - we decided to go with the theme of our trip and still someplace classy...so we're going to Taco Bell. and then the awards...
stay tuned.
all i can say is - there will probably be tears.
it'll be a really moving night. :)

pray for us as we get closer to leave!
pray for unity and just a broken spirit before God, just willing to let Him form us.
so so so excited to see what else He has planned!

big things

so i just finished watching the movie Extraordinary Measures and i realized how much i love hearing stories about people just fighting for what they want. how someone just makes a decision, sets a goal, and then goes after it and because they do that and dont let anything stop them, no matter how crazy - big things happen. people are affected and impacted. i just kept thinking how God calls us to huge, seemingly impossible things and when we decide to just go and follow after Him with everything in us...big things happen and there is an impact. us taking the big steps for Him gives Him permission to move in us and through us and just rock everyone around us and there is no telling how far the impact will reach.

crazy how movies and stuff can just speak to the very depths of us, huh? i would say God has used art and drama and things like that the most to speak to me over the years. from a quick 2 minute drama to a look at a painting to a 2 hour movie or a 3 minute song...God speaks. and those visuals hit you in that moment, but then stay with you forever. a lesson in an image.

something cool God is revealing to me is this...

for example...

some people have the minds to read and understand and study - and then speak and teach that message.

then there are some people who have visual minds, they can hear that message, read a passage just see it, a picture just forms in their minds.

now...what if one never shared their way of thinking with the other?

what if the artist never got that picture out of their heads and into a drama or onto a canvas?

what if the person who read and studied never spoke the words out loud or wrote them down?

here is the revelation (and it might seem obvious, but its hitting me in a new way lately)...

we have a responsibility to identify our gifts and then learn them, practice them, use them...because what we have been given - not everyone has. what we have to offer will complement, teach, impact the other members of the body.

which in turn will lead/help them to learn and use their gifts, which might reveal something new to you, and its a beautiful beautiful cycle!!!

but if we ALL dont embrace our gifts and actually use them...it wont work.

not everyone has the visual mind, and not everyone has the intellectual mind, or everything in between.

we were designed to work together and complement each other.

and for me personally im realizing that almost everyone learns from a visual. almost everyone has been affected by a song or a painting or a drama or a video...

but not everyone can create them.

so would you agree that it would be the artist's responsibility to take the images they see and create it, get it out somehow so that someone else can see it, and learn from it, and then turn around and apply it to their gifts...etc?

crazy how well God knows us, how well He worked all of this out.

His design truly is perfect.

love it.

so take some time, find out what He has given you, what He wants to use you for and EMBRACE IT. listen for His calling and His voice and know that what He says is the TRUTH...decide to fight for it...and then fight. like i wrote earlier...God will do big things when we take big steps. the key though is to hear Him and follow His call to take these big steps...if we just take big steps or do these things...then we're just doing them.

i cannot say it enough - let God be the focus, let Him lead you in EVERYTHING and just be in awe of all that He is.

because when we really fight for what He is calling us to...big things happen. so much bigger than us.

psalm 51...make this your prayer, let Him cleanse you and purify you and make His desires yours.

and let Him make you the person He designed you to be.

and then embrace it and experience all the JOY that comes with it!

painting on sunday!

prayer request! for this sunday at Edinbrook, i was asked to put together a team of artists to paint during the worship for both services. im SO excited to see it all and i have a great group of people and its just going to be so amazing to see Gods creativity.
SO my prayer request is that you pray...
that the canvas will arrive in time!
and that nothing will happen to the painters
and that the Holy Spirit will move and just anoint them and give them amazing ideas and images to paint.

come see it!

thanks for your prayers!

3 more weeks!

ok friends, so this has been a really great weekend :)
first - i just have to say that the fact that all my worries and stresses have literally been lifted (well the big ones ;) ), regarding the trip and just everything...just reassures me that God is faithful. it has been a really tough month. a very testing, trying month and i just am so grateful for the times when God is forming me, but also so grateful for when the darkness fades and we can come out of the craziness stronger and more at peace than before...knowing Him and trusting Him on a whole new level. and do you want to know my favorite part about when we go through big things, big steps of faith...? is that we can know that something big is coming, because we have placed ourselves completely in His hands and THAT place is where we can feel Him the most :) and also, in going through the dark, confusing time, and getting back to the place of peace...i can see Gods faithfulness in a whole new way. He called us, He said to hang onto the truth, He said to keep fighting...and here we are. not quite gone yet, but SO close...after all of satan's incredibly incessant attempts to get to this team...we are still going to Mexico, still following the call, and i feel like we are stronger because of all it took to get where we are now. and i am SO excited to see what is coming!!!!!!

especially seeing it come together! we had a GREAT practice on saturday morning...not everyone was there, but the people that were, got through a lot and we learned a lot and our new girl/jesus actors are learning it QUICK. so that is a huge blessing and accomplishment.
we also taught a new drama, its one that i learned while with YWAM and it goes with carman's song "mission 3:16". its all about spiritual warfare...and my favorite part is the angels...:) they are not the pretty, sweet angels we sometimes picture, but the tough, WARRIOR angels with swords and battle faces. ;) its good stuff, and a great picture of what satans true intentions are for us.

so yeah - thank you team for a great practice!!!

but i just had such a great weekend...God is definitely a God who loves to see His children smile. He just blesses us and its such an amazing thing. :) how great that He knows us personally and knows what will make us just stop and just have that smile that comes all the way from the inside, even just with little things. i am just so in awe of Him and His incredible faithfulness.
He loves us SO much. we dont deserve it, we havent earned it...but its there. so we better embrace it and just lay back into His arms and just soak Him in. just rest and love Him back. love Him by letting go of everything else and just hearing His voice and His plan. take the time to learn His voice. He will pour out and He will lead us to amazing things and places, all while we're in His arms. why would we ever fight that???
what could we possibly search for that could be better? embrace it now!
find out what it truly means to fall in love with Him...NOW.
let Him romance you...because He knows you and He is just waiting to surprise you with something that will put an amazing smile on your face and all you can think is "aww, thank you God..."
because no one else could have possibly known or pulled it off. :)

through the last month, here is my encouragement to you...learn His voice. hear it and hang onto it. shut out the voice of doubt and fear, just ignore it. focus on the truth and fight with everything in you...pray pray pray for you and the people around you going through the same thing. pray. listen for His voice. and dont stop fighting...its hard its tough, but it WILL PASS. the craziness WILL END. YOU WILL GET THROUGH AND EXPERIENCE WHAT HE IS CALLING YOU TO if you just trust Him and keep fighting. and you will breathe again...:)

im just realizing again how great He is, falling in love with Him again...realizing how close and how sovereign and how beautiful He is.
so thank you for letting me share that with you.
and i pray that as you read this - the Holy Spirit will just pour out and remind you of how much He loves you.

Isaiah 43:1-5
God personally declares His love for you...amazing.

feelin good...

hello! so as you can probably tell from the last few (a lot) of posts on here, its been an intense last few weeks. thanks for allowing me to process on here! but after a tough battle - i am finally starting to feel like satan is starting to loosen his grip a little. and maybe im just learning and getting stronger - really knowing God is going to come through, like im starting to hear the lies for what they really are. like i feel like i can breathe again. and i know that its not over, i know enough not to think i have beat him and im done with him forever...he doesnt work that way. HOWEVER...he is being defeated in this battle! because through ALL of this craziness - we are going to mexico in just a few short weeks!!! yay! God is so faithful and we just need to KEEP PRAYING through the rest of this time. God has been laying on my heart to really pray for the people down there, pray that He will protect us, pray that there wont be violence or danger...just really pray for His mission.
tonight we read Daniel 10...epic. that is all i can say about that. haha...its SUCH a cool picture of daniel, who wanted an answer and knew it was coming so he prayed..and fasted...and stayed expectant - and 3 WEEKS later an angel shows up and appears to him with his answer...and he tells him that as soon as he started praying, he was heard and an answer was given and he was trying to get to him - but he was stuck in a battle with the Prince of Persia and so Michael had to come help and finally he made it out and got the answer to Daniel. CRAZY stuff. but SO cool. and just an amazing example of why it is so so so important to stay steadfast, pray with expectancy, and to not ever give up ! keep fighting! love it.

we also worked on the drama we started last week...we're teaching this team the set me free drama too...and even though the song is in english, i think the point will get across. :) such a cool picture.

and we spent some time going over rules and the "business" stuff. thanks Marco! :)

we also found out that we will now be leaving on the 12th! not the 13th! crazy. but plane tickets were cheaper and so yeah. haha...the surprises just keep on coming. bring it on! God's got this.

we also spent some time working on scripts...spanish scripts for some of the short dramas we'll be using for ministry. so fun. so pray that we'll all be able to learn spanish and get the messages that we want to get across out to the people.

also - most likely this weekend we will be working on scripts for the Project: Hosea - recording them in SPANISH! yay! thank you so much to Luke Erickson and friends.......so amazing! so we'll be able to use that down there if we need to.

im really in a good mood right now...i think that the hard times are so hard, but when they start to pass you just appreciate the joy SO much more! i feel like i have been learning and been being tested and formed and its been a really great time of learning what it means to be faithful. and learning what it means to follow His call...even when it doesnt make sense or when its not what people necessarily want or understand or when its hard and tiring and confusing. i wouldnt say its a super fun lesson to learn...haha...but definitely a good one.

i have no idea what God will do once we actually get on the plane and get to where we are going...but what i do know is that God has done one crazy, seemingly impossible thing after another...and i have felt SO many times that whatever we're about to do - probably wont happen...but then it does. and He makes it work, and He reminds us that its not us...but Him. and its absolutely beautiful to watch.

please keep us in your prayers!!!!!!! this battle is not even close to over, we need to stay alert and pay attention to what the enemy is doing.

J'son (an amazing christian rapper) has a song and lyrics that i love but he says this...

"dont get knocked out...you better know what your enemy bringin'

its a lifelong fight, the only way you live is if yo' lifes not ya own..."

and all i can say is AMEN to that.

we have practice on saturday morning :) pray that it goes well and we get SOOOOO much done and we can all just be excited about the ministry you are preparing us for!

something beautiful

here are some song lyrics that just put a smile on my face today...
its been crazy figuring out - will we go to mexico? is this God's calling? are we crazy? should we be doing this? etc etc etc... haha God has blessed us with a peace in all of it, but it gets tiring...:) good thing we are never ALONE!
but just yesterday i found an article that really just lifted my spirits about mexico. just finally reading one that wasnt filled with fear, so it was just kind of a breath of fresh air. i know it is dangerous, i know its unpredictable, but i also know He is calling us there. i guess its just good to get a glimpse through the tangles of the hope that God does actually know what He is doing and He will care for us. and then i heard the song below, and i heard another song called "something beautiful" and they both just talk about getting past the danger, the fear and trusting...walking into it with faith...and then being able to wait with expectation for the beautiful. i am on my knees, in awe of His faithfulness and sovreignty yet again...humbled that He would take the time to teach and prepare and refine...just waiting for something beautiful :)

these are lyrics from the song "the God i know" by Me in Motion

I was quick to anger and my love was slow
Tried to keep from danger to protect my soul
Afraid to let a neighbor in my home
Afraid to become just like the God I know

I Walked on water, sank when I looked back
I forgot that faith is not a matter of fact
Jesus showed me something different

There is one thing I know for sure
I can’t let fear hide my faith anymore
That’s not the God I know

He touched my eyes and I can finally see
That love is a dangerous philosophy
You and me have been hurt before
But that doesn't mean we keep closing the door

Complacency can be the worst disease
The cure is here, believe the mystery
That Jesus' love is so much different

Love's like a fire, let it burn
And don't ever let it out
Let ‘em know what it's all about
So give whatchu got and you'll find
When we're livin’ dangerous
All of us, can change this town
That's not the God I know

set me free

so we are working on a drama for Revolution (June 5th, Edinbrook church, 530pm...its gonna be pretty epic)...john n found it online somewhere and asked us to put it together. so we got a team of 9 ppl together, and its really fun because we get to work with people from our ALIVE team! its been awhile with the mission team meetings/practices, so its been fun getting to work them again. im excited for when ALIVE starts back up...not sure when. summer? anyways...so last wednesday and this wednesday we met up and worked on it and after only a couple hours of work - it looks SO good. im so excited to see it happen that night.
its a drama to the casting crown's song set me free. its a cool song, if you havent heard it, you should look it up. powerful lyrics.
and we took ideas from the video we had but changed some stuff up and the end result is really a cool thing.
and they learned it so fast!
i will say that i have learned that one of my absolute least favorite noises...is chains being moved around for long periods of time. haha...i never thought i would find that out about myself.
but yeah - so keep us in your prayers! revolution is in a few weeks, so just pray that it will all stick in their heads and that it will portray the right message and that God will speak through it and use it to reach the people who need to hear it.
keep joe, ashley, shane, ben, rachel, missy, jordan, isaac, and matt all in your prayers, that satan stays away and that they will be ready for that night, for whatever God wants to do in that moment.
ok, tomorrow night is missions meeting!!!
im feeling like maybe i should just move into church...it might be easier. haha
but we're learning some fun new things tomorrow, so it should be interesting. ;)
pray that we can all stay focused and just follow His leading.

a moment of opportunity

in the last couple weeks, i have just been feeling spiritual warfare like i never have before...in me and in the people around me - with the trip and in so many other areas of my life...
but there is this picture that God keeps showing me...
its like satan has us by the arms, just pulling us back, closer and closer to him and we are getting tired. just losing motivation to try because it seems impossible, and not really seeing a real way out. he is stronger than we are it seems and its just not worth effort to break free, it seems hopeless...but then all of a sudden God is right there in front of us and its like satan is stunned...and he lets go for a second...but in that second its like all of a sudden there is a chance for us to RUN with everything in us straight for the open arms in front of us, to God.
and its just this picture of the sheer hopelessness and overwhelming feeling of having satan doing everything he can to hold us back...but God comes to rescue us. He will always have the power to overcome satan, and He gives us a moment...that moment where we can break free and run to him and there is hope! but we also have the option to stay where we are. we have a choice.
and its like every time i see that picture i feel like God is asking me to pray that we take that opportunity...that we dont wait, but grab it. as soon as the clouds part and our vision starts to clear up and there is nothing holding us back...we run. we get as far away from satan, from that feeling of defeat as possible and just cling to God with everything in us...because satan is not going to give us all the time in the world to get away.
i just want to share this picture because its helped me a lot and it is still helping me...to not give up. keep fighting, keep struggling, dont get complacent...because the moment will come when satan is forced to back off and let go completely because God will not just let him overcome us...(we are pressed but not crushed...)and God will take over and we need to be ready to run into what He is calling us to. because we have to run, we have to be ready, we have to take action... take that time of freedom, that opportunity, that moment for all we can. because this is GOD'S work. this is GOD's heart, HIS people we are fighting for. He will protect, and He will strengthen...but WE need to grasp that moment and fight for God's kingdom...
John 16:33...we will have trouble in this world, but take heart! He has overcome the world!!!

a war cry

"Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
When he calls to me, Iwill answer him;
I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation."
Psalm 91:14-16

God i am asking for your help right now. i am asking for patience, i am asking for peace, i am asking for your mighty hand to move.
mostly i am asking that you send your angels to guard this team, guard this trip, guard the leaders, guard the people down in mexico - all of it - from the enemy.
satan is trying so hard to get in, so hard to get in the spirit of complacency and indifference and God - i just break that right now, in your name! dont let us just sit and watch.
he has no power.
if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
if our GOD is with us, who can stand against us???
pour out your spirit over us, drench us with you.
keep satan out.
Get behind us, satan!!! we are not yours. we are Gods.
guard us God!!! that we can breath you in and be strengthened.
grab our attention and stir up our passion for you God.
stir up our passion for the gifts you have given us and for the mission you are about to send us on.
send your fire, God and just wake us all UP!!!
give us an urgency of your plan, instill in us the calling you have for us...
we are your soldiers.
God - teach us and prepare us to fight.
break down the walls and the grips and bonds that satan is working so hard to get in place...destroy them and help us to run from them as fast and as hard as we can....into your arms.
we are desperate for you! we need your help
help us stand strong and to see the warfare being waged for our lives.
we are for you...we have accepted your call...and we declare that you are God and you are victorious.
be with us. show us who you are. ignite your spirit in us.
Hosanna!

-Amen

answering His call...

so after posting my last post and really looking at what it means to answer His call...
this morning in sunday school we talked about giving. and how we know that we are called to tithe and give a part of our money back to God. and how we are supposed to ask God how much He wants us to give...and then do it gladly. so we watched a video and our pastor laid out a vision for what the money the church receives might be going for. and afterwards - it was brought up that sometimes it makes it easier to give once you know where the money is going. and literally the first question asked was "but should it?"
and i was like whoa...this is EXACTLY what i have been learning!
what does it look like to REALLY answer the call?

once you ask God what He wants you to give, you know it, you either commit to give it or you dont. but you have your answer...its just a matter of what you do with it.
so the question is - should it matter what it will go for? should we hear the call, wait and see what it all entails and then change how we react accordingly?
or should we make the decision to follow and then just trust that He will do what He wants with it.

so i am brought back to the question that came up yesterday...

once we hear His call for our lives and decide to answer it...should anything be able to impact it?

its hard to not look at the circumstances and try to rationalize and figure it out...ESPECIALLY in regards to money and safety. but honestly...does looking at it through the worlds eyes just make it harder to follow after Him?

it does for me. and while its good...no, NECESSARY to run into it with your eyes open and be prepared and be aware and be praying...

i guess what i am asking is - is there a difference between letting the "stuff" affect whether or not you fully answer the call and looking at the "stuff" to better prepare yourself for when you are in it?

once you hear Gods calling for you...you have that moment to choose. do i follow it or not?
and it HAS to be in that moment that the choice is made, because if we try to be lukewarm and say "um...well maybe"...then look at the circumstances going on and THEN decide...we wont do it. plain and simple. satan will make sure of that. and is that faith? the book of Hebrews says that faith is hearing God and then just trusting that He knows best...even when you cant see every detail.
it has to be a decision in response to God.
and it has to be final. we're not supposed to waver...
if God wants to change plans...He will. its not like He cant do it, if we are doing something wrong, He will get us on the right paths - if we are listening (proverbs 3:5-6). for me - i would rather be running towards Him collecting a few scrapes and bruises in the learning process, than be perfectly safe and miss what He has completely.
at least then He knows that i am
He is sovereign and He is working. He will do what He needs to and we just need to NOT LISTEN TO SATAN!!! satan is so so so sneaky and its so crazy to see how fast he can get so far in in so many different ways. we need to just stop him. we need to fight.
and we need to never stop running toward God...

fear?

ok...new revelation for the day.

this morning i reread the quote from the last post by Mark Batterson...the first sentence.

"quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death."

here is the revelation...

God gives us our calling.

and once we hear it, we can know it and follow after it/Him with everything in us...and anything that says otherwise is irrelevant.

satan sees us and sees that calling and that is where his mission begins. he does all he can to keep us away from what God has. sometimes he lies, sometimes he twists the truth, and sometimes all he has to do is just take the scary truths, the ones that make us nervous, and just shove it in our face - like "you agreed to this calling...but did you see this? did you hear what happened there? did you know its dangerous?"

and while its true...while he is not lying..........is it even relevant?

if God calls you to something...does anything else matter? do you have to look at the circumstances? does God call us and expect us to accept - on the condition that we feel comfortable with it?

i dont believe that.

fear is a VERY effective weapon satan uses...and he knows this.

all he has to do is get us to doubt.

and in that - we start to justify why we cant follow God, and why its crazy, and why although we know its satan...he might be right. that God couldnt possibly be calling us to this.

but here is what God made me realize...

He might call us to something else...BUT HE WILL NEVER USE FEAR TO DO IT.

again...if fear is what is keeping us from following the calling..however justified and figured out our fears are - its not God.

He will shut doors or take away opportunities or just straight up tell us...but He will never scare you out of following Him.

i have been struggling with fear this past week...starting to listen to the voices that say
"just dont risk it...just dont, its easier and no one will blame you or judge you for staying..." and THAT is a scary place to be. scarier than walking into the unknown that God is calling me to...the place where the world has more influence on my decisions than God does. and that is how God is helping me have confirmation on my calling...i can see where satan wants me, i can hear what he is telling me...so i know i have to run in the opposite direction with utter abandon.

as we listen for His calling, as we pray that God will speak and lead and stretch us, here is what God has been speaking to me...and im not saying that i am a master of this - im not. im just learning it - but i know its something i need put into practice starting NOW.

be ready and open to hear WHATEVER it is that He's about to say.

hear it, know it, cling to it.

dont let anything tell you that its too crazy or too dangerous or impossible.

dont listen for a second to the voices making you doubt or fear or second guess.

and fight with everything in you to follow after it...and if you start to be unsure that its actually your calling...pray, and keep fighting for it until God tells you otherwise.

quit living life as if the purpose is to arrive safely at death.

God has so much more than that for us...and we will never see Him do big things if we never take big steps.

dont ignore the calling...its the only way we will ever experience God in the way we were designed to.

clinging to His truths...

"Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Grab life by the mane. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshipping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion."
- Mark Batterson

Sherrill Thurston put this quote on facebook today and it speaks RIGHT into my heart.

there are some things i just wanted to write last night but didnt get to. something that i am realizing is how EASY it can be to listen to the lies. SO easy.

before last night, all week i was feeling so much peace about mexico and my calling, OUR calling there and just really feeling confident in trusting God. God spoke a lot of comfort and peace and courage into me this week...not that i have mastered it or understand it even a little bit...but that is what He has been filling me with this week. so i felt good. went to practice - and it was like satan was there waiting for me. all of a sudden i was feeling crabby and unsure and i couldnt get words out and things were coming up to try to get us to doubt and question what we were doing and just a WHOLE lot of different things with all different people...

and it was so quick to start to rationalize and question all that God had spoken.

and all of a sudden i was like - what just happened? where did my peace go?

and what God was showing me was that we need to learn His voice. we need to hear it and recognize it and when we hear it...we need to hang onto it. write down what He says in that moment of clarity and carry it in our pocket - because in that moment it all makes sense and we feel good and at peace and powerful - but as soon as we get into the world and satan has an opening...he'll take it. and he will do whatever he has to to get you to doubt and question it and start to justify why God MUST have been wrong...

but that is not the truth.

the truth is what you have written down in our pocket. the truth is what we heard in that moment with God...the truth is what we have to cling to for our very lives because there is only one truth...and most of the time it doesnt make sense. and satan will use whatever you know and whatever is in your head to make HIS way make more sense...

so God is showing me what complacency looks like in my life. how easy it is to DO NOTHING. just not fight, but not give in...just nothing. its safe. its the easy way. but heres the thing - nothing is not fighting and the ONLY way we will ever experience the victory and freedom that God has already given us? is by fighting.

its hard. we will fall. we will fail. we will have trouble (john 16:33).

but there is no power bigger than God.

none.

last night we told the team that after prayer and in finally feeling some peace - we have decided not to do the Project (at least not be the focus) in mexico. it seems crazy but God is just saying - trust me that i am God and i know.

how do you say no to that?

and so we go forward with a new plan. having a few short dramas, dances, testimonies all ready so that as we go, we can follow the Holy Spirit's leading to what He is calling us to do in that moment.

we are feeling really excited about it all. Gods in control.

we started learning a new drama last night and it went really well, we got really far and it looks great. it will be a great ministry tool down in mexico.

and we heard some more life stories from nate, shane, and chelsea r. it amazes me how open and honest this team is. its so so so beautiful! and so encouraging to me and im sure all of us.

so thank you guys for sharing your heart.

we also had a prayer time, a time to just give God all of this craziness and uncertainty to Him. it is out of our hands, which is where it should be.

please keep us in your prayers that we will not stop fighting. that satan will not have a place in this process and that God just silences that voice so that all we hear is His.

warfare

the process of this trip has been a roller coaster - to say the least. i have learned more about God and trust and faith and so much else...and were still a month away from even leaving! crazy.
and right now...i am feeling so angry at satan. this is new for me...i have been annoyed and frustrated and tired, but never just straight up angry.

i will say that i just wrote a LONG blog...getting my heart out, praying against satan and all of his ruthless attempts to get to our team...and i published it...and it disappeared.
that has never happened.

so since its now 3 am and i am waking up in a few hours - i leave with this for now...

God will see His plan to the end.
i declare right now that God is God and He has the victory.
satan can try and try and try...but he cannot win if we dont let him.

its been a TOUGH week, but thats all it is, just a tough time. its not over.

i pray that we allow God to refine us thorughly and completely and truly seek His plan for us, seek to hear HIS calling for us...no matter what it is.

and that satan is silenced.

pray pray pray...this is warfare, and we cannot stop fighting.

learning to trust...

huge exhale.........
this has been a crazy weekend/week so far. that is the only word i have for it...haha
the trip has had an interesting development. After giving the parents and students the weekend to pray and discuss whether or not they'll be going to Mexico...we got the final word on Monday.

we are going to mexico.
2 of our team members are not.

tough? yes. but God knows.
i dont know what He is doing, i dont know why things are changing...and its not easy, but all i keep hearing is "trust me that i know what i am doing. trust me that i am taking care of you all. know that i am God."
and that has been the peace through all the decision-making and the uncertainties and things that dont go as planned.
He is God.
we didnt know if we would even be able to go to Mexico if people dropped out, so we were really just prepared for anything.
but then PPM said that they would take us no matter what.
so then we were faced with "what is our calling?" do the Project? or go to Mexico?
turns out - Mexico.
so while the decision to go even though some of our team can't is a hard one...its so God's decision. He is calling and i'm so excited to answer - even though we will miss the team members that cant come. God knows how its all going to work and He is sovereign and i am trusting that. and looking at all the things happening and the timing of it all...its pretty amazing to see God's hand on every detail. its just so cool how He sees when things are going to be hard and just puts things in place so that we can be refined, but still be able to see Him work so clearly.
yeah, its just very cool.
so...that is the update on this trip!
please keep us in your prayers that we can keep following Gods will, keep looking to Him and that we can be willing to take the hard steps...
its all for His glory and so we just have to remember that its not about us...its His plan and He knows.
beautiful. :)

living in chair 1...

God has brought me some clarity on some things He's been showing me and it relates to the "chair analogy" i posted on awhile ago.

in the times that i have been involved in missions - which has been A LOT of my life so far - and something that a lot of ppl have asked me is

"why do you have to go to these other places in the world? you can stay right here, there are lots of ppl who need help right here..."

and honestly...i never really knew what to say to that. i knew that i loved traveling, that i loved being in other cultures, that it was something that i just found myself doing...

BUT in this last week God has stretched my faith. in this trip and in other areas of my life. and there was a time this week where God was calling me to something...and it scared me. i really really tried to say no. i was not about to do this.

and it was like God was there, saying "its ok. you don't have to do this. if youre not ready, we'll wait and try again later."

i came to this realization that He will not love me any less if i dont do what He asks...but He also cant show me His faithfulness if i dont trust Him...if i'm not where He wants me.

BUT i also felt this incredible desire to know what it is He wanted to show me. what it is i was missing out on because i was afraid to trust Him. and so i took a deep breath, and took the step. and as soon as i did, it was like God was jumping up and down in excitement - like "yay! now i can show you my blessings!" i have no idea what He is going to do...but I am for sure excited to find out.

and yesterday thinking about the trip and just looking at the whole situation...

i understand the fears. i understand the danger. i understand that its crazy. and i understand that we dont have to go there to find someone to help.

i understand that we can live our lives, we can do good things all day long every day, we can honor God in all that we do, we can speak and preach and love, we can be so good...

and we can go our whole lives and do what we want and never once ask God what He thinks. and it will work.

But what if?...

what if we lived every day and asked God what He wants? where He wants us? what if we asked Him to lead us...not just asked but really surrendered all of us and then allowed Him to lead? what if?

He wont love us any less if we dont take the big steps...but we also wont experience all that He has.

maybe He would ask us to stay in our community. maybe He would call us halfway across the world. maybe He would call us someplace safe...maybe it would be insanely dangerous.

i dont know...i dont know what His answer will be and i have fought numerous times to ignore it...

but back to the chair analogy...we can live our lives in chair 2, doing our own thing and hoping that God is pleased by it, safe and in control. OR we can live in chair 1...letting God lead no matter what our head is saying. Trusting with everything in us that He knows best.

im not saying that i have mastered this in any way shape or form...and im not saying that it is easy or that it makes sense...but its something that God is challenging me in BIG time and no matter how hard i have tried to ignore that incessant deep crazy pull........i have seen how much bigger and better and more perfect things are when i listen to it and follow it.

He hasn't failed me yet.

crazy? yes. amazing? yes.

so back to that first question...why do i have to go around the world to do missions when i could spend my time here?

simply? because He said so.

He created this world, these are His people, He knows what they need, He knows how it works.

who am i to try to understand it and rationalize it?

if He calls us to a certain place, our only responsibility is to respond and obey.

all i can do is follow...

and as scary as this prayer is - my prayer is that He continues to stretch me and test me in this.

that i learn to follow and trust Him without hesitation...its going to be a long crazy road...but He knows what He is doing! :)

A Sovereign God...

Reminder of the week? God is sovereign. sovereign over all the details, over the things that seem to just "come up", sovereign over all of the uncertainty...He's bigger than all of it. such an amazing thing to be reminded of.
this week in the worshiping artist, the author talked about attributes of God. About how we see different aspects of God in everything that happens. and what i figured out this week is that i see God as faithful

and holy and sovereign...but what i dont realize is that at the same time i experience God as comforting and personal and peace giving. and i MISS that...just so focused on the big things, on the end results that i miss how beautiful it is to have God just next to me saying - "i know you're scared, but know that i am here and i love you." He doesnt have

to do that...but He does, because its just another aspect of His perfect character.

What attributes of God stand out to you? What attributes are you

experiencing right now in

your life?

Last night...last night we had a meeting with the parents of the students going on the trip.

concerns have been raised about the safety of the place were going to and so we met to talk it out, see where ppl were.

This has been a crazy process of a trip, God has been so so so in charge of every detail and its been amazing. and whatever happens, i have learned and grown SO much in the last 4 months, its crazy and i am so grateful and so although things are unsure at the moment and we're kind of in a short waiting period...i am strangely at peace with it all. knowing with everything in me that He will do what He wants...no matter what that is. so keep us in your prayers and decisions are made today...

we started our normal team meeting after the parent meeting and Emmanuil set up a video camera and stuff and interviewed some members of the team in one room for his documentary of the process, while we took some time to start life stories with the team.

we had a REALLY great time of sharing stories - we got through 4 stories...(we put a time limit on it, and then didnt really enforce it...:/) but it was amazing. The kids on this team have such great hearts and they are just so open and willing to learn, willing to see what God has. We heard from Ashley and Austin and Courtney and Jordan C. and then after each story we took time to affirm them. i also love this...just encouraging each other in what God is doing in the body...its not always easy to see it in ourselves, but we definitely see it in each other - so it is such a blessing to encourage each other.

i just want to thank those four - i was so blessed by your stories. and i am so encouraged to know that God works in amazing ways, He heals...its amazing.

and we still have like 16 to get through! haha...oh geez. we might have to enforce a time limit.

:)

and then we had our small group time and that was just really good too. i love hearing how God is working in this team. i am just feeling SO blessed to be able to be a part of this.

and i know that God has a plan for it all...i am really curious to see what it is!!! (and hopefully soon??? :) )

again - keep us in your prayers! decisions are being made and we should know a lot more by tomorrow.

private worship?

what is worship? like i said in the last post we have been looking at worshiping privately. and in my small group we talked about it and what that means...
and something that God has just been laying on my heart is that He has given us all gifts, He has given us all passions, things that bring us joy and put us at peace...and He calls us to use that as worship to Him.
whether it be music or writing or painting or speaking or dancing or playing a sport or whatever...anything can be used as worship. to praise Him, to make Him look good...
for me...even though i dont do it as much as i want - i can ALWAYS find God while creating something and using my hands. whether it be drawing or painting or whatever...i can always find God there. or just sitting by water...as long as i can hear it...:) i find God there. its the places where nothing else exists, nothing else matters - its just me and God. its in the things that i would not have if God didnt give them to me...i dont have an ocean - but God brings me to them. i dont have artistic talent - but God creates through me. and its so amazing to think - He creates us to love these certain things...and then He provides time, place, and ability to find Him in them. because He knows that is where we feel Him and know Him more...its just you and Him. its quality time with Him. isnt that amazing? how personal He is? how He wants us to know Him and He wants us to find joy in it???
when i realized that God not only put a love for the ocean in me...and not only met me every time i was sitting by it...but that He brought me to it - many times, when i most needed Him...so that i could meet with Him in that special way.........i was in awe. more than in awe. it was one of the first times i realized how personal God is...and how only He can fill me with the unfathomable peace and joy that He has.
amazing.
so private worship? let God show you what that means. it is different for everyone...and there is most likely more than one way you will find joy in worshiping Him...but ask Him to show you, ask Him to teach you how...and He will. i will not pretend to understand it all...but this is what He has shown me so far...and i am SO excited to keep learning. :)

one step closer...

i am just in AWE of God right now. i know i say that a lot...but its just hitting me at a WHOLE new level lately - how amazing He is.
thursday meeting was great...we taught the team one more drama for kids. so fun. its a short drama about how each one of us is a very important part of God's body. and how the body doesn't work unless we ALL do our own specific part.
very cute...and very cool message.
the kids did a great job...its cool to see how the team works with these because we have never played with kid's dramas before...so its a whole different side to the personalities and its cool to see some of them just really come alive in this type of ministry. so i am really excited to see how it all plays out when we are in Mexico.
we also started teaching a drama that God put on my heart like 2 years ago - and is just finishing up now. and i have showed it to sarah and its just really cool how God totally works on His own time with His own creativity...and it has a really cool message.
its a picture of how we do all these sins, have all these things that we know are wrong and are ashamed of...but Jesus came and He took the sins. and it feels so good to be free of them - but then to watch as Jesus wears them instead of us. to think of Him on trial, taking the blame for ALL of the shameful things that WE have done...and then watching Him die for them. its a tough thing to look at, but He doesnt wear them forever. He took them and died for them...and then conquered death. He rose, and now He calls us. He says - all that is gone...you dont have to be weighed down any more...here is your chance to truly be free...just come to me. follow me. love me.
it could be a powerful drama...so we are just praying that God will show us exactly how to make it all work so that His message will be heard.

we also split up into small groups to discuss our books - the worshiping artist.
and it really is such a cool thing to work through right now...learning how to worship privately - just us and God. and how that in turn affects how we worship God in every aspect of our lives, and then how it affects our time of worshipping with the rest of the body on sundays or whenever.
one of my favorite parts is when he talks about how if everyone of us spent time in private worship. just spending consistent, quality time with God every day of the week - what would it be like to come together on sunday morning to worship as a body? what would the worship leader have to do? maybe nothing! if we all spent time worshiping God all week, and then came together - maybe we wouldn't even need a worship leader. maybe we would just all be so stirred up, so ready to celebrate together, that we just would. we would all just respond to God in whatever way He moves through us...and we would worship.
powerful thing to think about...and really it motivates me to spend more time doing it. i have been doing a lot better...but i could spend SO much more time just praising Him.
keep the team in prayer as God keeps working and moving things around and please pray that He will make our calling clear. that we will hear Him and be led by Him - no matter where we are going or who we are going with.
its all Him...it has to be. and i think that through all this - He is getting us to a place where we can KNOW that He is in charge. that we can KNOW that this trip is Him...however it ends up looking. but i will say - i am SO GRATEFUL that He has given me that assurance...and i pray that He keeps doing it and keeps speaking. He has a plan...and i am so excited to be a part of it.