Crimson Stains lyrics

Lyrics written by: Chelsea Kimball (for The Project, to go along with the painting drama)

"Where is there hope?
Is there hope in me?
Hope in a lost broken soul looking to be set free?

I’m covered in guilt. Blood on my hands.
Stains that remain. Nothing but regret.

These crimson stains
Like chains that bind
Yelling and screaming always to remind me

That my good is never good enough
That these stains have left me empty inside.

I’ve tried so hard to hide them.
I’ve tried so hard to bury them away, to somehow ease the pain.
I’ve tried so hard to cover them all.

But they keep building up -- one by one.
They keep building up -- one by one,
By one.

I find myself helpless
As I close my eyes
Look deep down inside and stare into this darkness.

A wall I can’t ignore. A wall I can’t avoid.
These stains separate me from the light.

I’ve tried so hard to hide them.

I’ve tried so hard to bury them away, to somehow ease the pain.
I’ve tried so hard to cover them all.

So I give them up -- one by one.
So I give them up -- one by one
Yes, I give them up -- one by one.

You’ve called me out of this darkness and into Your light
You took this old, broken sinner and made me new in Your sight
You drew me out of deep waters and left my sin behind.

What a wonderful sound.

These chains have been broken. My slate wiped clean.
And my sin drowning at the bottom of this ocean.

Your grace over me
Like a flood of relief
Washing over these stains that I couldn’t let go of.

You call me your child
Your forgiveness overwhelms me.
Your love overwhelms me.

What a wonderful sound.
My hope has been found

You take them all -- one by one."

Hosea: a poetic monologue

Written by: Bethany Gersetich (for The Project: Hosea)

Wrapped up in darkness
Only then was it safe to cry

But you found me where I was crying,
pulled me out of my despair
Took this void, filled it with more
Your love was a promise

I sought others, I turned away
Only then was I alone

But you found me where I was lying
You drove away my solitude
You cured these scars on my heart
Your love was my comfort

I let you take my pain, watched you suffer because of me
Only then could i see

You found me where I was dying
You saved me from my insanity
You restored me.
Your love was my light.

Now I can never leave your side
I can't see any other.
Only You could take me back.

You are love.

affirmation!

i just want to write a little more about our excursion to Mexico...

Our last night in there, we took some time as a team to affirm each other.

affirmation is not a word that i ever really used or heard before working with Praying Pelican, but they use it a lot, and they really take time to encourage one another and although its always awkward at first - its so so so great to take time to notice the good in other people, and then SHARE it with them.
so we all sat down as a team and went around the circle and had 3 ppl affirm each person. and it went so well - there was never a shortage of people willing to affirm.

an affirmation is not just "i like your hair" or "you are funny"...haha...its pure encouragement, pulling out things in a person that really bless other people, things that God is using them for, etc. it requires us to notice people, to pay attention...which is not always easy.

but its so good to practice getting in that mindset. seeing the good, and then encouraging them in that area. let them know that they are a blessing in that way.
anyways...watching the team share and encourage one another was such a blessing to ME...so encouraging to see them just loving on each other and to go out of their way to point out these things in their teammates.
i was like tearing up! haha...but really.
it might be awkward at first, but its so worth it because as we are supposed to work together as a body...lifting each other up, seeing in others what they might not see for themselves.

we didnt have nearly enough time to have everyone affirm everyone - so we encouraged them to do it on their own time. to make an effort to encourage each other.
and we saw some of them doing that!
i came home and wrote out affirmations for the team via Facebook - not quite the same as face to face, but it works.
i just saw SO much good in the whole team and saw so many new things that i had never noticed before in them. God truly does work through each person SO differently. and its so cool to see all the different character traits and gifts of God by looking at each person using their gifts in ministry.

so great.

so i just want to encourage you all to practice seeing people, practice encouraging people, and practice accepting it! that sometimes is the hardest part...
something that Rory Noland said in our "worshiping artist" book was that we need to ask GOD what His calling for us is.
really listen for the answer - it might not be what we want or expect...but regardless, its what He is calling us to and once we finally just embrace it...God can bring His gifts to life in us and put them to work!
and so it helps to listen to the affirmations, to encouragement from other believers because it helps us to see and understand what it is that God is doing through us and how He is using us.
so lets work together as a body and help each other figure out what role God created us for in His perfect, incredible, amazing plan!

and back to...ALIVE!

so...being back from Mexico for a week now - sarah and i realize that we MISS the team! haha i miss the team, i miss being around ppl all the time, i miss the country, i miss doing ministry 24/7...i MISS it. but i havent had a ton of time to think about it either...its been a crazy week! i was in a wedding this weekend, one of my best friends/favorite cousins got married to an amazing guy and it was just such a cool reminder of Gods perfect timing and plan and just His amazing love. He is just so good. :)

but now that the trip is over, the wedding craziness is done, my life is now a WHOLE lot quieter. its weird. im not suuuurrreee that i love it. haha

BUT the good news is that on thursday we are having a final missions team meeting (yay!) and then next thursday we are starting our ALIVE meetings back up!!!

so excited. its been way too long.

not even sure what we are going to be doing or working on - yet again i find myself waiting. waiting for what my next move should be, waiting for a call from God...just waiting...

my heart is just feeling so restless!!! i have SUCH a passion to be doing ministry - this ministry or something really similar - full time. i have a passion for other cultures and for just people in general and i just keep feeling like God has this plan that is coming together EVER SO SLOWLY (some words that i keep being reminded of....2 Peter 3:8-9 But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness...& Habakkuk 2:3 - basically...patience! God knows what He's doing) but do you ever just get tired of WAITING???

i know His time is perfect and i wouldnt want to do anything outside of His timing...because it wouldnt work the same...He knows better than i do, and i trust that.

but the thing about surrendering all of ourselves, all our desires, all our plans...

is that we are left with waiting.

i realized today again that i am 100% at the mercy of His plan right now. without His leading.......i got nothin. i have NO idea what comes next for me, for ALIVE, for missions, for anything.

but i know its up to God...and because of that i am just so ready to see what it is He has! God is just stirring up my heart for people and missions lately...just small reminders of what He has called me to...and its tough to be reminded of all of it while im still in the waiting period BUT it also reminds me not to give up, not to get too comfortable with where i am right now...because i need to keep listening, keep seeking - always.

so here i am...just using this time to hang out with the team, keep working, allow Him to prepare me and the rest of the team for whatever it is that is coming.

because He is working...i have no doubt about that.

so next thursday we begin again!!! pray that we will hear God's voice in where to go next.

and for those of us that were in Mexico - pray that the experience will stay with us and continue to shape us.

a little bit of Nogales...

Ok...so we left on June 12th for Nogales, MX. its been a long time since i have felt Gods calling so strongly to a place...and by God's grace, we made it there! and it was safe, no one got hurt, no one got sick, no one got in a fight, it was AMAZING. and we were able to really focus on the ministry. God used this trip to make Him look goooood...:)
and we were so so so blessed by the wonderful ppl of Nogales. they have SUCH a passion for God and for the people they interact with...its so cool to see.
PPM led us around and we were able to perform the Project twice, and other dramas at least once every day. we also got to do some painting and cement laying.
such a cool time. here are some pictures so you can get just a little glimpse into our time there!!!

this is the church part of our group worked at during the days, and we also attended a service there and performed The Project there as well.

at one of the churches...just playing soccer on the top of a hill...

Mark introducing the team along with our wonderful translator and PPM staff, Cecilia.

the town surrounding Monte Hebron church.

We also got to visit a children's home a couple times...it was such a great time with the kids. we got to do dramas and crafts and play games. such a blessing

KABLINKA w/Florentino = an interesting time.

La Casa Se Quema w/ some of the girls...love it. Elizabet (a mexican friend) played the part of the "english speaking neighbor"...very convincing...haha so fun.

we finally did this with them...now we are popular...

back at Dios Con Nosotros church, doing crafts with the kids!

Kablinka again! :)

The Project!!!

This is the seminary we stayed at for the week

our lovely PPM ladies...angie, danielle, cecilia

group time!!! such a great group...we really just grew together over the week and became just like a family...it was so so fun.

the view from the top of the hill...so good. the first night there, we all went up there and had a time of intercession over Nogales with this as our view. so amazing.

documentary!

clearly fans of the Mexico team...

ill write more im sure on all this...just wanted to get some pics up!!!

lesson learned...God is faithful. If He calls...answer....even if it seems crazy and dangerous - because He knows. and He is in control.

and its so amazing to see what He is doing...

thank you God for a GREAT trip and an awesome team and for all that is still to come!

SET ME FREE

here are some pics from the drama that part of the team did for Revolution at Edinbrook Church on June 5th to the song Set Me Free by Casting Crowns. they did an amazing job and it was really powerful. and it worked out perfect because we ended up teaching it to our mission team as well and brought it to Mexico with us!

i wish i could take credit for all of these...but i cant - Ria Thurston took them for us!!!

thank you Ria!

and in case you are wondering...yes, this is what they normally look like...cute, huh?

Team Picture...Rachel, Joe, Ashley, Shane, Isaac, Ben, Jordan, Matt, Missy

Close up of the team

Me and Sarah with the team!

i will say it again...this team is such a blessing and so great to work with!

i cant wait to see what else God has for us in the future!

stay tuned for some pictures from Mexico!

home?

yesterday we got home from Mexico...and as we were sitting in the Tucson airport, i just started crying. and i dont mean like a tear or two... i mean like i need to wipe my eyes with my dress because its out of control...haha and i just couldnt help but think about the amazing week we had on our trip. literally - God just took it all. the team grew together like a family, it was so great. no fights, no sickness, no injury, no danger...nothing.

we grew to really love each other. and i saw people respond to God in a deep way. we saw God move, we saw Him just working in the details, we felt His love for people...

and the last day i had a long quiet time and God told me that this was just a glimpse into what He has for me in the future...

traveling around, sharing dramas and art, sharing the gospel, talking with people, loving on them...it was just such a great week!

and sitting in the airport i realized i was going home...back to Minnesota, back to my job, back to the normal schedule...

and hearing ppl all talk about how they were going back to their husbands or wives or their lives...it just reminded me that i am still in this waiting period.

and i just felt this sadness that i had waited 2 years to get back to a spanish speaking country, and i finally was blessed to be able to go, but then i was leaving this place where i felt so at home, so at peace, so in Gods plan...to go back to what?

my job? i dont have a husband, i am not doing my ministry full time yet, i have a great family and great friends...but they all have lives of their own too...and my heart just wasnt understanding why i couldnt spend my waiting time in mexico, or belize, or peru or wherever.

but the thing is is that I know where God wants me. its not a question of if im doing the right thing or not....i know He wants me home........but why does my heart feel so at home someplace else??? yesterday i just had to break down a little...just allow myself to tell God that its so hard to always be waiting...

and He understands. He has blessed me with knowing exactly where He wants me...so i can have peace in that....

and He has blessed me with an amazing team, amazing people, amazing opportunities to see Him work - and although i have been in this place before - torn between what my heart wants and what i know God wants...He has always blessed me and proved that His plan was better. that He knows best.

so i still am trusting Him. and i always will.

i know He has a plan...and i am going to keep surrendering my desires for His will until He takes me home with Him - where my heart really belongs.

i am so excited to see where He takes this ministry...we have seen His creativity spreading the message of His amazing love throughout mexico this week - and its only the beginning.

but my place right now is here, with this team, with these people...and all i can do is pray that God keeps POURING out of me into their lives.

one thing He helped me see in Mexico was that i have SUCH a heart for pouring into people, for helping them know more of God, for helping to develop them into what God has for them...and He gives me a true joy in that.

and i LOVE hanging out with the team...its just so fun and i am so blessed to have them.

one amazing thing about God...if He calls you to something - He'll take care of you while you're there :)

1 Corinthians 2:9 ....no heart of man has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him

time to go!

goodbye for a week friends!

we are off to Mexico as of 6am tomorrow morning!

keep us in your prayers, that God will just hold us in His hands.

so excited to see all that He is going to do!

if you want to follow our trip - you can go to www.prayingpelicanmissions.org, go to "trip journals" and look for Edinbrook Church.

more to be written next saturday - ish...:)

bye!

taking some time to rest in Him

just 3 more days...:)

i took a few days off of work this week, leading up to the trip...just taking time to rest, refocus.

so i drove up to menomonie, wi to both take some time to see a friend and also to get away and take some time with God.

so i went to the lake, found this great spot on a dock on the water and just laid down for awhile...the breeze was great, the sun was out, and i just loved the sound of the water.

i spent about 2 hours with God and it was desperately needed!

loved it...its been way too long since ive just sat and listened.

but today i had the chance to do just that.

and God was there...:) just giving me the peace and rest i so desperately needed. i cannot even describe how much i LOVE just sitting in His presence...love.

i also love to journal...well write down what i pray - mostly because my mind wanders WAY too much if i dont. so i wrote and i talked with Him and just rested for the first time in i dont even know how long.

life just got to the point where i was so focused on just getting things done - that i didnt even think about what i was doing when it was happening...as long as it got done.

and that is never good...to just have a to-do list for God - but thats totally how i get when i dont take time with Him every day.

He wants us to enjoy our ministry, to just love His work.

and i do! so i hate when i lose focus on that, when i dont take time to just let Him fill me up with Him and lead me. He was just telling me to slow down, to stop and realize what is happening, what He is doing right now in my life. to take time to get excited. He told me not to do anything more, think anything more until i was ready to be excited for what is coming.

how great is it to have God? to remind us to just stop and breathe and take time...? to make sure that we are experiencing what He has??? its like we just go, and He's like whoa - wait a minute...i want you to see this, i want you to feel this...this is me. I did this for you and I dont want you to miss it. how cool is that? it makes me just want to drink it all in, to just look for Him in everything, to learn more about the heart and character of a God who cares that much for every one of His children. amazing. i pray that we can ALL just remember to see Him in everything we do, to see through His eyes...not just rush through.

anyways - so i ended my time on the lake with a chapter from Nehemiah that the wind had blown open while i was sitting there and i was just LOVING it.

so i encourage you - go to Nehemiah 6, and just be in awe of what happens when God's children listen to His voice and ONLY His voice...powerful.

ok, hope your day is going well!

keep us in your prayers!

and come join us tomorrow night for a time of battling our enemy through worship!!!

love it

hope

today at Edinbrook we heard about HOPE.
ive been battling lately with not focusing on the rational and the "world's ideas and opinions" but focusing on God...on the eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18. v.18 says "we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are temporal, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
Tom Gildow preached on that passage last week...and something he talked about was how if we are looking at the temporary, if thats where we find our hope - in what we see...then when it ends - and it will, because God says its temporary - that's it for us.
but if we are focused on eternity, on what is unseen...when the temporary ends its just an affliction. it wont crush us, because it doesnt make or break us! in fact...when we are focused on eternity - and the temporary things around us end...it can even energize us to keep going and find out what we are supposed to be doing instead.
so why pour all our energy into the things that will end? why not look to eternity and be constantly renewed by God's spirit???

this morning he talked about hope...and how hope is a waiting period. we cant hope for something we already have. and why do we have to constantly go through a waiting period? because in the circumstances of waiting we become who we are called to be.
our calling is to constantly be becoming more and more like Christ...and all satan has to do is get us to believe the lie that we have already ruined His plan, and its over for us and there is no hope anymore...

but its not true!
Phillipians 1:6 has our hope...He who has begun a good work in us will bring it to completion... if we just fight. if we just wait. if we just HOPE that what He says He will do - He will do.

All satan has to do is STOP OUR BECOMING. to TAKE OUR HOPE.
the moment we take our life into our own hands and out of God's - we walk right into satan's plan for our lives.

so we need to just keep hoping!
no matter what, even when the evidence doesnt support it, even when the world says no, even when there are no facts or rationale behind what we are hoping for...nothing is impossible for Him. nothing. and while we hope, while we wait...He will strengthen us. He will form us. He will prepare us and continue to help us become more and more like Him every day...

so dont listen to the Lie, embrace the waiting, and just keep hoping...

the last month of this trip process has been this...hoping that we heard the calling right, hoping that we are not crazy, hoping that we'll have the right ppl...and trying to ignore the enemy who wants to take our hope. and i think its safe to say there wasnt a lot of rational evidence to back us up...but our HOPE was in God. in His calling, in His faithfulness.

this has been a waiting period...and God has strengthened...God has stretched, God has broken us and built us back up...and coming out on the other side of just one of satan's many attempts brings a joy like only God can give. knowing that God is shaping us, knowing He is strengthening our foundations, knowing that He is in charge...its a beautiful thing and it brings a whole new meaning to James 1:2-4 "count it all joy, my brothers, for you know that when your faith is tested it produces steadfastness......"

AMEN! thank you God that you want to form us and grow us into who you created us to be!

if you had the option...

so last week Tom Gildow talked about getting revelations from God...and how we can spend weeks trying to figure something out, trying to think of something, etc...and then all of a sudden God will show up in a big way and in a matter of seconds...it all just makes sense. and you are just amazed at what He is showing you...

just a few moments in the presence of God can teach you, show you, and impact you more than weeks of thinking and trying on our own power. its crazy stuff. thats God.

anyways...so this morning in our sunday school class the Loft Bill Roland was talking about the Bible and what is the Bible? and He asked a question, a question ive heard before but for whatever reason, i thought about it differently this morning. here is the question...

"if you had the option to have God around just sometimes...would you do it?"

and i just thought about it and my first reaction was "well no, because i would feel bad if i did that..." and then i realized that i would bring Him everywhere because if i didnt i would feel guilty...that was my initial reaction.
but should that be the motivation? real quickly after that thought came into my mind, i also thought - well too, because i love Him, i want Him around all the time...but why wasnt that my first thought?

i felt God speaking to me this this morning...i need to strive to be in a place where if God wasnt a part of my everyday life, that i would miss Him. that life wouldnt just be harder and more challenging, but where i love Him so much that just a small amount of time outside of His presence causes me to miss Him and long for Him.

i should push away that question with an "of course i wouldnt take that option" - not because i feel guilted into it...but because i want Him there, next to me all the time. because i LOVE Him.

and it sounds so crazy to talk that way about someone that is not a physical person standing right in front of you that everyone can see...but He is so present and so close and so personal - that its possible to love Him that much, and feel Him that closely, and know Him that intimately...

amazing, right???

i pray that we can strive for that, pray for that, work for it and fight for it and just never stop - even when it gets tiring or hard.
that we can allow Him to be a part of every part of us...and just love that He is there.

1 more week...

ONE MORE WEEK! crazy? unbelievably so...haha

it has just snuck up on us SO fast. but i am getting more and more excited as we get closer...so excited!

wednesday night, sarah and i met up with Luke Erickson and Diana Swensson at church and spent a couple hours recording The Project: HOSEA scripts - in spanish! yay! so we have that and we will be able to use it and do the project down in mexico if we end up needing it. so crazy that its finally coming together.

so praise God that they were willing to not only translate the scripts but then to come and read/record them. they did an awesome job and it sounds great.

so THANK YOU to them!

And on Thursday we spent time running through the whole show (project), still needs some work - its been awhile since we've done it, but itll get there. :)

we also had some big group time, just going over plans for when we get there and the "business" details of things.

so crazy that we leave in a week! its been a long process but it is finally here. God has led us here, fought the crazy spiritual battle, and somehow - by His grace...here we are. i am just loving this practically tangible example of Gods faithfulness, of His comfort, of His protection, and His sovereignty. so great to have something you know you can look back on when things get crazy again - and we know they will...- and just KNOW that it was God. and its something satan can never take away.

and next Thursday we are having half of our normal meeting, but then at 830 we are fighting some spiritual warfare, baby!

we are going to have an hour of worship time, using all different kinds of worship, using the weapon God's given us to fight.

whether it be art or dance or poetry or prayer or singing, its a battle. :)

its a time to get the missions teams together, getting our focus back on God and stomping satan out of it before we leave.

so come and join us in the gym at Edinbrook Church and join us in the presence of God, worshipping together as a body, fighting the fight together.

and total side note - (probably mostly for girls, haha, but maybe guys too) there is an author that i am loving, her books are GREAT and just filled with scripture and just really great stories of God working in people's lives, all fiction, but she's a MN author. and i bring it up because just this week i was re-reading one of the books and just realizing how important it is to just follow Gods call and trust that He knows best - even when it doesnt make sense at all.

Keep us in your prayers as we get final details in place this week!

and join us on Thursday!