which chair are you?

i want to share something that God is teaching me...last night i went to something called Family Fellowship and it is this great group of people just seeking God and sharing what He is teaching and doing and just some prayer time and its a really beautiful picture of the body of Christ. anyways...Gods timing is so crazy. this week He has been putting in my head what the difference is between living a life LED by Him and living a life FOR Him. and just figuring that out and that is exactly what we ended up talking about last night. and someone talked about this "three chair analogy". and basically its like chair 3 is living a life where you "dont need God". and chair 2 is living a life where you are trying to live for God. you do things and ask for God's help with it. you try to do things because you think it will bring you closer to Him. God is co-pilot, not the driver. and chair 1 is living a life where everything you do is from God. its God working through you. its realizing that all we can do for God is to hold onto nothing so that He has control over everything.
cool, huh? which chair are you? do you stay in one? or do you switch around?
i LOVE that picture. it really helped me get a clearer idea of what it means to let God take over. and one of the girls there talked about the Israelites and how they didnt necessarily make a decision to be radical and live chair 1 and let God use them in huge ways...but God called them out of captivity, He saved them, He sent a pillar of fire, He parted the Red Sea for them, He provided manna for them to eat in the desert...We look at that and were like WOW...what provision from God??? thats amazing! but they didnt think that, they complained. they said "bread, God?, really? we're supposed to have milk and honey!" and we dont understand that reaction but think about it...and this is the revelation God gave me last night...why wouldnt they react that way? from the world's perspective - manna is not that great. i mean, in our minds God should be providing the richest food available...i mean He's God, and these are His people. He took them out of captivity to live in the desert? so they were disappointed. they felt abandoned. because they were looking for God to do what THEY wanted. they were looking to do something and God help them...chair 2. they LIVED chair 1, but when the time came, their mindset was chair 2.
now here is the question...WHAT IF instead of doing things and expecting God to show up in the way we ask Him to...we wake up in the morning and ask HIM what He wants? what if we lived every day asking and paying attention to what HE is saying and doing? and then - ACT accordingly to that? what if the israelites had stopped to be amazed at all God had done? and stopped to be amazed that there was BREAD in the DESERT falling from the SKY??? and then ask God to lead them, to teach them, and do with them what He had in mind instead of taking the promise of the promised land and just expecting God to get them there on their terms. what if? in deut 8 - God says that they were in the desert for so long to humble them, to allow them to be tested...so in all reality - even if they had looked to Him, they would have still been in the desert for 40 years...but maybe they could have been strengthened, and learned, and seen their faithful God reveal Himself, instead of just complaining.
so chair 1 is not the absence of hardship - but the difference between wandering the desert looking for a way out, and asking God why you are in the desert and what He wants to teach you and use you for while your there, all the while trusting that He will lead you out when the time is right.
how would OUR lives look if we were in a place where we constantly asked God to lead us and reveal Himself...and then sat back and watched Him work and fulfill His promises? instead of doing things for Him, and just assuming that its exactly what He wants? dont get me wrong...doing good things for God is not bad. its not. but we were meant to live in sync with His Spirit at all times. that is how He teaches us. that is how we know what His heart is. and i cant even explain the feeling when our spirit FINALLY clicks with His. its like our spirit freaks out and is like - there, thats it! thats what i needed...NOW we can live. we were never meant to do all the work and ask him for help now and then. We are solely tools. He will lead...He will do...we dont have to make Him look good, He can do that. its not OUR job to do His work. Our job is to submit, let Him take over, hold onto nothing...and then listen for what HE wants to do...and here's the tough part...then LET HIM DO IT through us.
but its so good. while chair 1 sounds like the scariest, craziest place...its actually the SAFEST place for us because its where we were created for. we were created to be 100% in sync with the Holy Spirit...its where He is in control.
so just pray that He will show you how to live in chair 1. be prepared...while its the safest place that doesnt mean it will be easy. you might be in for some CRAZY hard and unexpected things...the Israelites went through some crazy things...but its where God is in control. He doesnt mess up. He doesnt lose track or forget. He just is. always.
so these revelations just overwhelmed me last night and i just pray that you will let God speak these words to you.

The Project: Mexico Edition Week 2

Week 2! this week was our first practice, and we started working on the show. it went so great, they learned it fast and its coming together already. and chelsea played the piano along with the acting and even though the music isn't done yet - i will just say that it is going to be AMAZING. its so beautiful and goes perfectly with the story. i LOVE seeing Gods gifts at work. i just cant even say how much i love it. but just keep all the people working on this just covered in prayer, that God would anoint them and just keep pouring through them to make this whole show completely His.
We spent some time explaining what we were about to teach them and where in the Bible we got it from. Its so important to keep the focus on God and the Bible. make sure we're teaching His word and HIS message and not ours.
in looking at the passage Isaiah 46:5-11 we just saw a cool picture of God asking "To whom will you liken me and make me equal...?" referring to idols. He goes on to say how the people pay to have these idols made, then carry them, then set them down and realize that no matter what they do, it will never help. God promises so much more. He says "I will accomplish all my purpose..." amazing. no matter what we do and no matter how many times we choose these "things" whatever they are, over Him...He still calls us back, telling us that those idols will not help us, but He intends to accomplish His purpose for us.
we also looked at the verse in Matthew 26 where Jesus is in the garden and he says, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me, nevertheless, not as I will but as you will" and seeing how Jesus didnt want to die. He didnt WANT to suffer...but He was willing to follow His Father. and then He says "My Father, if this cannot pass unless i drink it, your will be done". and THAT is one of my favorite pictures of Jesus. Looking at death right in the face, knowing His father would turn away, knowing that his own followers would turn away, knowing how many times the people had turned away and would continue to turn away...and saying - if they can't be saved, if you can't be glorified without me doing this...then i'll take it.
Crazy. so crazy. the part of the show we started working on was at the end, and its a picture of just a realization of how what we do affects God. its in a flashback form, and i wont give too much detail :) but its a picture of the moment when the girl realizes how all the things that she chose over Jesus throughout the show have only brought her pain or faded away...but Jesus has been there all along and His love for her has not only not faded, but only gotten stronger.
its amazing how God has literally blessed us with the exact number of ppl we need for the show and how He has blessed us with an awesome team. i pray that God will just bless us with His anointing and His leading that every second of this show is Him. purely of Him.
please keep the funds and plans and people in your prayers that this process will be a way for God to reveal His awesome power and faithfulness.
so excited!!!!!!

One More Move...

Ok - so a few weeks ago i was at this gathering of christians that happens on some fridays and it really was SUCH a great night. such a blessing to get a glimpse of how intricately and perfectly the body of christ works together.
but while i was there, one of the men shared a story. and he referred to the painting above, and one of my favorite ways to connect with God is through art so this was just a GREAT story and i just have to share it.
so in the painting there is a man playing chess with the devil. and it looks like the man is giving up, he is clearly struggling and about to lose. the devil looks smug - like he knows he's about to win and expected it all along.
and the guy telling the story said that there was a man who was looking at this painting (this man also happened to be a chessmaster) just kept looking because something didn't quite look right. he just kept looking, trying to figure it out.
and finally - someone came to look at it with him and said,"wow, thats rough. looks like a checkmate..." and the chessmaster stopped him and said, "no...no its not...the king still has one more move!"
and that story just hit me in a big way. in our life - there are times when it looks like the devil is winning. that we have lost and there is no hope. why should we even try? it just seems like there is no way that we could ever even hope to fix it or survive, let alone come out on top.
but when that happens, when we are in that situation...the glimmer of hope is that our KING still has one more move. as long as we are still standing - the King, our Lord, the King of everything - still has one more move. the devil will do everything he can to make us believe that its not worth it, that we have been abandoned, that we won't ever make it...but that is not true.
so we cant give up. we need to keep trusting, keep fighting, keep going...cuz He is has not been defeated. HE is not failing...HE still has one more move.
beautiful.
and a song that my beautiful friend Erika just showed me is called Fight by J'Son.
and i love the lyrics because he says (not exact order, but all from the song :))...
"get up off the floor, He gives strength to endure,
as Hes makin you strong, let me help you along...
Its tryin to reel you in, but dont start givin in–
even when its weighing on you like a million men-
we are pressed but never crushed.
He made a promise and He aint finished yet.
i know its hard as you press for the throne
but we're a WHOLE BODY,baby,
you’re not fighting alone.
Welcome to the fight club."
its a fight...but God will help us through it. Remember that He promises to stay by our side, to finish what He completed. So He WILL complete it...Hes just not finished yet. and the body of Christ is here to help you through it...so as a brother or sister in Christ...Welcome to the Fight Club.

The Project: Mexico Edition Week 1

So i realize that this mission trip is not actually an ALIVE trip - but since ALIVE is on pause and sarah and i are heading this up - i am going to blog through this process. God using the hearts for the creative to share His message. SOOO excited for this. its been a process of crazy ideas and crazy proposals but God has opened every door that we needed. and we have been praying for a minimum number of ppl - how many we needed to be able to go...we could use more, but just wanted at least that, and God in His amazing way of being in the details - provided exactly what we needed. :) just another way of Him showing us that HE and only He is in charge of this trip. so great. but we met with almost everybody last night, and it is going to be a really really great team. so fun, and God has blessed this team with such gifts and talents. i am SO excited to see how it will all work together for what God has planned. we shared with them our vision for the trip - in that we are going to Mexico to spread the message to the nations...get the message of God's word out to just one more place. and we're using art to do it not only because we feel God's calling to it, but to give the team an opportunity to practice and experience God working through the gifts God has given them - and if they dont know what they are - to find out. so be praying that this vision will become clear to every member.
and then we walked through the show - ill share more details as we go :) but just giving them an idea of what is to come...:)
and then we played some games...kind of auditions w/out being auditions :) we split them into 3 teams and had each draw out 6 sheets of paper. Each sheet of paper had one word on it and they had to incorporate at least 3 of them into a skit they had 5 minutes to prepare. and they did an AMAZING job. i wish we had gotten it on tape so much - but since we didnt i will just say that throughout the three we saw impressively accurate impersonations of Barack Obama and me...haha so funny, we saw water aerobics, hearing aids, dragons, squids, headbands, and chicken pot pie. if you want details, just ask...:)
haha, but it was a lot of fun. then we played a game called bus driver, basically kind of a follow the leader game. i just love these kids, they have such imaginations and such creativity. we just laugh A LOT. and im so excited to see what God is going to use all their own gifts for and what God is about to teach them. I just am in one of those places where i know that this is God. i just have such a peace with it...and that just makes me so excited!!!! God is so good, and so faithful. i love his surprises so much! so keep us in your prayers - that all the money will be provided, that we can all be open to learn whatever God has for us, and that we will follow His lead on everything.
yay for creativity and missions and all of it! :)

last normal ALIVE meeting for awhile...

last thursday was our last "normal" ALIVE meeting for awhile. This thursday begins the meetings of the Mexico missions team. I wrote earlier about the upcoming trip...we are going to Nogales Mexico for a week in June with a group of high schoolers - we dont know for sure who or how many yet...that is still in Gods hands...:) and in process right now is a show that we will be doing here in the U.S. and taking to churches and parks in Mexico when we go. just had a meeting with Chelsea Kimball last night - really really excited for the music that is and will be coming together!!! such a huge project, but giving plenty of room for God to wow us!
So we will be taking a break to work on all of that :)
it is sad to think that we wont be seeing everybody every week for awhile...we really do have such a great group of people, and for various reasons, a few of them will not be going on the trip with us, so we wont be seeing them regularly for now.
But for last week, we had kind of a chill meeting. we played games...super fun. its so fun to just laugh and have fun with acting. we played a game where everyone writes down 3 random words on sheets of paper and then we put them all into a bucket and then split into teams and from there you draw one out, and have to act out the words, and your team has to guess as many as they can in a minute. the hard part is then your team has to remember all 3 words they guessed and say them in order. haha...doesnt sound hard, but it is. then we played a game using the same words on paper to create skits that had to include those three words...haha. oh - now that is a good game. :) we have a VERY creative group. so funny. LOVED it.
then we had a short devo time - we all sat down in the living room and i shared 1 cor 2 with them - well most of it.
but it is SUCH powerful stuff. it was a reminder for them all, whether we will continue seeing them every week or not, of what this team is. and how God has gifted us all with this crazy cool stuff - no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind of man has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him - ALL of us have gifts in us that are from Him that have more potential than man can even fathom. but its there and if we let God get a hold of it and really allow Him to have free reign with it in us - whoa. there is no limit to what He can or wants to do. and later in the chapter it says that the Holy Spirit is here to help us understand the things freely given us by God...so we need the Holy Spirit to be able to use these gifts - but He is here, ready to help! so great!!! and then i read a part in John 14 - where it tells us that we are going to do even greater works than even Jesus himself did while here on Earth with the help of the Spirit and God's power in us. SO crazy, but so exciting to imagine what God can do through us...and then KNOWING that it will be even greater and bigger than that - because the Bible tells us that we HAVENT imagined it yet...so just like Tom G shared at Edinbrook on sunday - dream big! TRUST that God can and will do what He says He will. that the dreams He gives us are NOT too big for Him to actually accomplish.
so something God has been drilling into me lately and what i want to pass on to you is that God HAS given you gifts. He has...if you dont know what they are yet - ask. he'll show you. they are in you...and you cannot use them on your own. they only work the way they are supposed to when the Holy Spirit is using them. so go to Him, give Him power to move freely in you and then sit back, and let Him do his thing...and enjoy! :)
and keep us and this trip and the team members (ALIVE and Mission Trip) in your prayers. that God will continue to reveal His gifts and plans...:)

words from God.

these passages have been on my heart as sarah and i have been working on this upcoming project and i just wanted to share them. God's love is beyond anything we could possibly fathom...so beautiful.

Hosea 2:19-20
19And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. 20I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD.

Psalm 36:7
How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

hosea 11:8
8How can I give you up, O Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, O Israel?
How can I make you like Admah?
How can I treat you like Zeboiim?
My heart recoils within me;
my compassion grows warm and tender.

Hosea 6:4-6
(4)What shall I do with you, O Ephraim?
What shall I do with you, OJudah?
Your love is like a morning cloud,
like the dew that goes early away
(6)For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice,
the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.

Joshua 1:9
9Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Isaiah 43:3-4
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
4Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you

surrender...

I think that I write a lot about love on here…and over the past two years of my life – that is what He has been teaching me. Over and over again. In argentina, that was my prayer. That I would learn how to love, really at all but especially the way God called me to.
And He has been teaching me ever since…it took me a long time to realize that I had a heart of stone. That I had hidden and manipulated and controlled so much that I had lost the ability to feel, to cry, to care or take risks and be vulnerable at all. And that realization killed me…how could God use me if I couldn’t even really love people? If I couldn’t get past myself? it was so hard to see what I had let myself become, but in that is when I asked God to give me a heart of flesh like He promises to do in Deuteronomy. To teach me to love the way He does and just break all the walls in me. And He has been, little by little over the last 2 years or so, but just in the last week or so I have reached some big mile markers that have shown me how truly far He has brought me. And they are ones that only I can really understand…haha
Sometimes the biggest things God does in us, well actually – prb most of the time – only we can really grasp the gravity of. When I look at my heart now, as opposed to what it was…it is unbelievable. I am in absolute AWE of what He has done. But its not always something people can see.
One thing that has been one of the biggest struggles for me is that I am independent – very much so. And I have really struggled with selfishness…and not necessarily that everything is about me, but just selfish with my time. I LIKE not having to answer to anyone but God. I LIKE being able to spend every spare second in ministry, focusing on what God is doing now, if that’s how I am feeling…and not have to worry about neglecting other things – which isn’t necessarily bad…but I get so caught up in what I am doing and just stop listening for anything else. I realized I have gotten comfortable doing what I am doing, and stopped listening because, well, who knows what other crazy things He is going to ask me to do!
I am truly in awe of the people that can balance all of their families and friends and jobs and ministries and all of it…I really really struggle with that, and I just pray that God will teach me to get past ME and focus on other, and i believe He is, i am learning. This team has been SUCH a blessing to my life…I cant even explain how much fun it is, how great the team is or how amazingly encouraging it is to see the team be touched by God and just see the growth and openness of all their hearts. Last week we had a time of sharing and a prayer time. It is really cool to see that God is working in them. And Sarah and I are both praying that He continues to just POUR into them and keep them seeking for more!
But I know that it all belongs to Him. That it is just a crazy blessing that I am a part of this at all…it is not by any means because I am so thoroughly talented and gifted by my own power…I am not….I know that…its ALL Him.
And He’s given me dreams for the team…BIG ones…and so in my head, I’m always thinking ahead, trying to figure it out, manipulate it, plan it around my future and potential future husband ;) and leaders and all these things and how it will fit into MY life…….but He is reminding me – in no uncertain terms…that this team AND my life are His. He has the plans, He has the vision, He has the resources, I don’t have to figure it all out. Im just a tool for Him to use. He has other things I need to be hearing too…so I need to let Him work. Haha…And He just showed me my own heart yesterday and some of what He has been doing and just realizing that He has been preparing me and I didn’t even notice but I feel like I am FINALLY ready to give up the team’s role in MY life to Him…really and truly. To really listen and really be open to what HE wants to do, whatever it is. I know that this team will be in my life for awhile if not forever, but I need to be ready and get out of the comfort zone that I have created. :) It is a crazy freeing feeling. Not to worry or freak out or anything…but to just follow His voice. Just keep following……it should be scary…haha…I mean, this is my future we are talking about…but I cannot even begin to explain the peace and freedom I feel in giving it all over to Him. And just KNOWING that He will take care of all of it.
He is so good, and so faithful.
So I am so excited to just see what He has…and embrace it.
So we will see what comes next!
I pray that we can all just break out of our comfort zones and really see what God has…it is guaranteed to be so much better than whatever we have planned :)
and i will leave you with a chapter from the Bible for you to look up that has spoken to me a lot about surrendering to Gods will...:)
i pray that we can all reach a place where if all we have in this world is God...we will have peace and security in all of our days.
Isaiah 39

overwhelmed...

so i would sign in as myself so Jillian would show up at the bottom...but i cannot remember the password for my login...haha...so i am ALIVE. ;)
anyways...so pretty much God has just been OVERWHELMING me with Him over the last 2 weeks or so. that is the only word i can use to describe Him right now. just filling me up with joy and peace and showing me all these little things so i can get a glimpse of answered prayers and just His PERFECT timing!!! its absolutely incredible...and i cant even go into huge detail because i would write forever...(team..if you are reading this...i dont write that much...;))
but what is so crazy is that as we write this show - it is a picture of God's broken heart. and just how all He wants is for us to love Him...to make a decision to love Him and live for Him...to allow Him to use us.......but we hesitate. and we play with His heart. and its so crazy because every church service, every study, every verse i have come across, every "random" song i find,every conversation about what God is teaching people...EVERYTHING has been on that same exact theme! its so great...its like God is just teaching me and helping me learn more about the whole story so we are better able to put it together! and it just makes me smile so much.
so great to be reminded OVER and over again that God is in charge. but satan also has had his part in the last few weeks in my life and just the littlest things bother me...and get to me and i know its just satan trying to get in my head and break up the peace i am feeling. he is trying to make me anxious and nervous and annoyed and i just am praying through it. but last week God had me fast for a couple days and i never really got the whole fasting thing...haha...but i prayed to learn discipline...so i guess...:) anyways...it was the greatest time. it was like every time i was tempted to eat - it was like satan trying to get to me. but just being in the mindset of saying no - every time it was like showing the flesh who was in charge. that i do NOT have to give in, i dont even have to consider what i know is satan. that God is SO much bigger, and satan really has NO power over us! how FREEING is that???? so powerful. that we are FREE. so yeah...long stories short right...? haha i just have to share what God is doing...this is truly only the beginning, but ill cut this "short". but leave with - God is so good. He has set us FREE. and His plan and timing are ABSOLUTLEY and always perfect. nothing less.
so if we stay praying and stay in the word...He can show us that and begin to transform us into what He intended for us and then we will be ready for anything satan can throw at us. beautiful. absolutely beautiful.

learning God's creativity...

it has been awhile since i have written anything on here...life is crazy!
a very good crazy...but crazy nonetheless. last week for our ALIVE meeting we had broken the team up into groups and given each group a bible passage and told them to pray on it, think about it and come up with some sort of creative element they could use to portray the passage or a lesson from the passage. just a practice activity to get used to seeking God for inspiration.
they had 2 weeks to think on it and play with it and last week we met up and they shared what they had come up with. we heard some good ideas and i would love to spend more time developing them and just learning how to let God work. learn how to rely on HIS inspiration and creativity. so im excited to see where He goes with that.
And our trip is still in the works! working on getting the show put together, piece by piece. theres still a lot to do, but i have no doubt that God will figure it out. He has proven time and time again that He has already prepared everything we need for this to happen.
How great is it that God doesnt call us to crazy things and then lets us fend for ourselves??? but He calls us to it and then takes over. ALL we have to do is let Him! i cannot hear that or learn that lesson enough. i LOVE it. there is no rush like being put in an impossible situation and then seeing Him take over. its incredible. so it is a blessing to be called to do such a hugely crazy thing. haha...i have no doubt we will get to experience Him in a truly amazing way.
so keep us in your prayers as i am sure that Satan will not stand back and just allow all this to happen. pray that we can all be taught by God to do what it is He calls us to and pray that we will stay focused on Him and not be distracted.
so excited for all that He is doing!