home?

yesterday we got home from Mexico...and as we were sitting in the Tucson airport, i just started crying. and i dont mean like a tear or two... i mean like i need to wipe my eyes with my dress because its out of control...haha and i just couldnt help but think about the amazing week we had on our trip. literally - God just took it all. the team grew together like a family, it was so great. no fights, no sickness, no injury, no danger...nothing.

we grew to really love each other. and i saw people respond to God in a deep way. we saw God move, we saw Him just working in the details, we felt His love for people...

and the last day i had a long quiet time and God told me that this was just a glimpse into what He has for me in the future...

traveling around, sharing dramas and art, sharing the gospel, talking with people, loving on them...it was just such a great week!

and sitting in the airport i realized i was going home...back to Minnesota, back to my job, back to the normal schedule...

and hearing ppl all talk about how they were going back to their husbands or wives or their lives...it just reminded me that i am still in this waiting period.

and i just felt this sadness that i had waited 2 years to get back to a spanish speaking country, and i finally was blessed to be able to go, but then i was leaving this place where i felt so at home, so at peace, so in Gods plan...to go back to what?

my job? i dont have a husband, i am not doing my ministry full time yet, i have a great family and great friends...but they all have lives of their own too...and my heart just wasnt understanding why i couldnt spend my waiting time in mexico, or belize, or peru or wherever.

but the thing is is that I know where God wants me. its not a question of if im doing the right thing or not....i know He wants me home........but why does my heart feel so at home someplace else??? yesterday i just had to break down a little...just allow myself to tell God that its so hard to always be waiting...

and He understands. He has blessed me with knowing exactly where He wants me...so i can have peace in that....

and He has blessed me with an amazing team, amazing people, amazing opportunities to see Him work - and although i have been in this place before - torn between what my heart wants and what i know God wants...He has always blessed me and proved that His plan was better. that He knows best.

so i still am trusting Him. and i always will.

i know He has a plan...and i am going to keep surrendering my desires for His will until He takes me home with Him - where my heart really belongs.

i am so excited to see where He takes this ministry...we have seen His creativity spreading the message of His amazing love throughout mexico this week - and its only the beginning.

but my place right now is here, with this team, with these people...and all i can do is pray that God keeps POURING out of me into their lives.

one thing He helped me see in Mexico was that i have SUCH a heart for pouring into people, for helping them know more of God, for helping to develop them into what God has for them...and He gives me a true joy in that.

and i LOVE hanging out with the team...its just so fun and i am so blessed to have them.

one amazing thing about God...if He calls you to something - He'll take care of you while you're there :)

1 Corinthians 2:9 ....no heart of man has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him