in the times that i have been involved in missions - which has been A LOT of my life so far - and something that a lot of ppl have asked me is
"why do you have to go to these other places in the world? you can stay right here, there are lots of ppl who need help right here..."
and honestly...i never really knew what to say to that. i knew that i loved traveling, that i loved being in other cultures, that it was something that i just found myself doing...
BUT in this last week God has stretched my faith. in this trip and in other areas of my life. and there was a time this week where God was calling me to something...and it scared me. i really really tried to say no. i was not about to do this.
and it was like God was there, saying "its ok. you don't have to do this. if youre not ready, we'll wait and try again later."
i came to this realization that He will not love me any less if i dont do what He asks...but He also cant show me His faithfulness if i dont trust Him...if i'm not where He wants me.
BUT i also felt this incredible desire to know what it is He wanted to show me. what it is i was missing out on because i was afraid to trust Him. and so i took a deep breath, and took the step. and as soon as i did, it was like God was jumping up and down in excitement - like "yay! now i can show you my blessings!" i have no idea what He is going to do...but I am for sure excited to find out.
and yesterday thinking about the trip and just looking at the whole situation...
i understand the fears. i understand the danger. i understand that its crazy. and i understand that we dont have to go there to find someone to help.
i understand that we can live our lives, we can do good things all day long every day, we can honor God in all that we do, we can speak and preach and love, we can be so good...
and we can go our whole lives and do what we want and never once ask God what He thinks. and it will work.
But what if?...
what if we lived every day and asked God what He wants? where He wants us? what if we asked Him to lead us...not just asked but really surrendered all of us and then allowed Him to lead? what if?
He wont love us any less if we dont take the big steps...but we also wont experience all that He has.
maybe He would ask us to stay in our community. maybe He would call us halfway across the world. maybe He would call us someplace safe...maybe it would be insanely dangerous.
i dont know...i dont know what His answer will be and i have fought numerous times to ignore it...
but back to the chair analogy...we can live our lives in chair 2, doing our own thing and hoping that God is pleased by it, safe and in control. OR we can live in chair 1...letting God lead no matter what our head is saying. Trusting with everything in us that He knows best.
im not saying that i have mastered this in any way shape or form...and im not saying that it is easy or that it makes sense...but its something that God is challenging me in BIG time and no matter how hard i have tried to ignore that incessant deep crazy pull........i have seen how much bigger and better and more perfect things are when i listen to it and follow it.
He hasn't failed me yet.
crazy? yes. amazing? yes.
so back to that first question...why do i have to go around the world to do missions when i could spend my time here?
simply? because He said so.
He created this world, these are His people, He knows what they need, He knows how it works.
who am i to try to understand it and rationalize it?
if He calls us to a certain place, our only responsibility is to respond and obey.
all i can do is follow...
and as scary as this prayer is - my prayer is that He continues to stretch me and test me in this.
that i learn to follow and trust Him without hesitation...its going to be a long crazy road...but He knows what He is doing! :)
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